Do you think communication is you talking and then waiting your turn to talk again. Well, it's not. Oh, that's what most people do. But then, most people aren't too successful at relationships, at getting people to say yes.
In her new book, "The Yes Factor, Tonya Reiman tells us that studies show that in certain settings as much as 93% of our communication in nonverbal. "Paul Ekman and his colleagues have determined that forty-three finely tuned muscles in the human face can be combined and reorganized into ten thousand possible combinations of expressions. In a single interaction, approximately one thousand non-verbal factors help convey your message."
Reiman knows communication. It's her profession and something she studies constantly. She gives the reader the keys to getting what you want by using communication in a convincing way and understanding exactly what others are saying even when they're not saying anything.
She tells us, for example, that a handshake can tell us if a person is dominant or submissive. Of course, this is pretty basic stuff that all of us in business and most others have learned in the process of simply living. But, it gets better.
The first step in understanding a person is to "baseline" him, Reiman says. Just as we know that 120/80 is "normal" blood pressure, a human being has a "normal" way of looking and talking and reacting under normal circumstances. A diaviation from the norm gives us a good deal of valuable information about what that person is thinking. Is he favorably impressed with us, with our ideas, or is he turned off, scared, angry?
She gives some great advice when she suggests a sales person is well advised to shut up and listen. You'd be surprised at how much you can learn about a person if you talk less and listen more. In fact, you'll discover the very way to the prospect's heart --- or pocket book. I've learned this through years of selling and marketing. But for those who've not had the value of such training, the book is a treasure.
She also talks about "framing" --- something those of us in advertising have long known about and use daily.
"Previously owned verses used. Inexpensive versus cheap. Half-full versus half-empty." The way you say things is more important than what you say. She is right on with this point. When I want a prospect to feel a bit ashamed of himself and his "cheapness", I use the word "cheap." When I want to put a bit of icing on the nasty word and make it go down easier, I say "inexpensive." When I don't want someone to think I sold them something but rather that they bought it, I'll simply talk about them making all the decisions. I never say I sold them anything or am attempting to do so.
There are many ways to say the same thing. The way you choose to say it is what matters. And, it's what gets you to "yes."
She gives one especially interesting way of reframing that I often use with much success. She tells us about George Lakoff, author of "Don't Think of an Elephant" to illustrate her point. "Lakoff reframes entire issues, changing 'taxes' to 'membership fees.'"
I do this in my business many times by reframing the word "fee" with the word "investment." Yes, it all means the same thing --- you pay me for my services. But it's easier to swallow the pill with one word while the other one goes down a bit hard.
She writes about the old NLP style of communication. She doesn't actually call it that. But that's what it is. In fact, there's really nothing new in the book. That doesn't, however, take away value from it. People like myself who have knocked around a long time and made a living with words, with sizing people up quickly, already know all this and more.
But there are many people who have not been exposed to this information or had an opportunity to practice it. Those people can get it all in this one volume and that's a good thing.
The one thing the book lacks is reading people and communicating with them when you must do so by email or the phone. Let's face it, most of us do not physically face our prospects or clients anymore. I have clients in China. I doubt I'll ever meet them. So I have to use a whole different set of skills to get to "yes." It's unfortunate this book doesn't address this issue as much as it should.
In summary, this is a good book. It's well written and easy to read. If you're already a success in advertising or some other communications business, you already know all that's in the book and probably more. But for those who are struggling to make their communications work for them, who can't read a person and especially those who deal with people in person, you'll garner a good deal of valuable information in the book.
Recommended.
- Susanna K. Hutcheson
Get more detail about The Yes Factor: Get What You Want. Say What You Mean. The Secrets of Persuasive Communication.
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